You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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