why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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