you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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