he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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