just tell him i said nine months
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
