Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
