I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
