Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
