lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
