I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
