I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize