Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Plan B is the new Plan A
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
