Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
