She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
