my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
