Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
