whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
