He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
