There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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