From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
