In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
