Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
there was a trapeze. enough said
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
