That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
