You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
