I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Randomize
