I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
