thus making me awesome and them whores
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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