Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
