and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
