she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize