I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
