she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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