We're facebook friends in real life
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
