Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
