Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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