So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize