omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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