Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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