This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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