I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
