they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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