chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
