You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
