its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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