Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize