Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
