She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
