just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
