so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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