I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
