apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I would ride that face into the sunset
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
