Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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