Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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