You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
