my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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