why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
