I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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