the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
