He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
