I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
