he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize