Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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