He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
