there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
