Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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