I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
