i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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