You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
