Where did you get a picture of my penis
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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