we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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