So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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