I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
do nipples grow back?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
