Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
