Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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