I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
