Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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