I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize