It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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