Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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