i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
