So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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