I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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