That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
