Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
