every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
