He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
