Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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