Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
