I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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