when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize