When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
