and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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