I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize