so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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