I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
love makes seman taste better
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
