i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
