Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
