Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
