finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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