Welp...herpes.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
