my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
